I can't drive....on I-55...

...without thinking too much.

Driving long distance is challenging for my mental state.

Here are some of the things that went through my mind while driving home from St Louis today.I think they could be valuable thoughts for all.

I wonder if I should be angry with my grandmother for going to the Dr every week, who is billing Medicare and adding to our deficit. All because she can't get her blood just right. Too thick, too thin, too thick, too thin. Mad at myself for taking her every week.

Maybe I should start taking the girls to church. I can't pinpoint why, because its a bit hypocritical on my part, but it might be good for them.

I dont care if Donald Trump runs for President. He won't win, and then we will have to listen to his excuses as to why he lost for the next 5 years. And how lame is it that he's drudging up old rumors about Obama's birthplace. Let the the President be Black without these annoying accusations.

I wonder what is in this car that I haven't eaten yet.

I really need a facial and a detox. And a pedicure. I can't wait to try that new detox I've been reading about. It will be another blog, I'm sure. Who isn't interested in what I'm eating and not eating?

Where should we live next. I'm so sick of thinking about this.

This world would be such a better place if we were all nicer to each other. I am always nice to everyone I don't know.

I love NPR.

I wish someone would tell Scotty on AI that he holds the microphone like a fag.

I wonder what Clint has been up to.

I could never live in NYC because I could never afford to live where I would want to.

I wonder if I'm ever going to get my hearing back.

I bet a lot of Jews still celebrate Easter.

And I spent the rest of my time trying to touch my tongue to my nose because Katie said she heard it firms up the jowl. I believe it.

And then I thought about things I want and don't have and things I should be doing, but am not.

And then Emma yells from the backseat, "Mom, what will Olivia be when I have a baby? An aunt?" About a week ago, she was playing in her playroom and yelled to me, "Everything is made in China!" I think she gets on my nerves because she's just like me.

Lent Update

I'm almost 3 weeks into my "no refined sugar" diet/Lent. I was feeling really great until I went to Illinois over the weekend. I don't know, but I think daily wine intake is probably not great for the diet. Although, it probably has some religious value and since I am doing this for Lent, I've forgiven myself.

On Saturday, at Maggie's shower, I had two cake pops (I had to try both flavors!) and I also consumed some sweetened chex mix (okay, I binged, but it was amazingly good), and I felt disgusting after...like physically sick. It made me think. I feel good and healthy without sugar, but if I can't even have a splurge now and then without feeling sick....well, then that's no fun at all. This no sugar thing has some drawbacks that I didn't consider.

So I'm still on the wagon after just a brief, quick, teeny weeny, little bump. But I'm already quite bored.

Lent is taking forever.

Scratch and Lent Sale

I don't own a religion, and I try to stay as far away from it as possible. I must confess, however, that I have always felt a little jealous of Lent. For years, I have stood by and watched friends deprive themselves of things like chocolate, soda, coffee, etc. While I was always elated that I didn't have to give anything up, I also saw some good in these sacrifices. One year, when I worked at Janet Wattles Center, my friend gave up soda. It seemed to me that it was a little like a diet, without calling it a diet. Rather, it was for GOD! So, some points are earned, you are respected as a religious person, and you'll probably drop a few pounds and your health will improve. I kinda wanted to do Lent.
Two days ago, I decided in order to lose a few pounds, I need to decrease my sugar intake. So, I'm on a no refined sugar diet. Then, a friend mentioned to me yesterday that she gave up Facebook for Lent. A-ha! Here's my chance. I may be starting a little late, but I'm giving up refined sugar for Lent. And, if anyone asks, I'll say, "I can't have that. I gave up sugar for Lent."

Now, I just need to find out when Lent ends.  

Parenting 401

Being a parent makes life very confusing. For me, it makes me question the person I am, the person I want to be, and, in turn, the people I want my girls to be. I'm responsible for creating these people and making sure they are the best they can be, or that I want them to be. So it makes me look at myself and while I like who I am, I don't necessarily think it's all great. Meaning, I don't know that I'm setting a great example.

Exhibit 1:  I taught Olivia to point and laugh at Emma. It was funny. Emma was being whiney about something so it only seemed fitting. It made Emma laugh and all was good. So we do it a lot. And now Olivia points and laughs at everyone. Including me. It's funny, cute, but not a great example. I'm aware.

Last month, we donated to St Jude's Children's Hospital. I got Emma involved thinking it would be good for her to get in on some giving. There was a picture of a little girl without hair and Emma had questions, and I answered. She asked how our money was going to help. I think the explanation ended with the understanding that we are trying to help save the children who are sick. A couple of weeks ago, we got a thank you letter from St Jude's. On it was another picture of a child without any hair. It looked a lot like the child from a month ago. Emma immediately started shooting off questions and accusations that I didn't "save" the little girl. I appreciated that she was genuinely concerned, and explained that it's a different child. In a sick and twisted way, I liked that she was mad at me, too.

So there's good. And then there's bad. Which is really what it comes down to for me. I like good and bad. I guess I'm hoping that my girls will be mostly good with some good bad in them. Not the really bad bad.
The key to life is balance, right?

Parenting is hard.

New Year, Same Me

First of all, I need to apologize for my last post. I had too many thoughts going through my head and couldn't get it all out. Sometimes when I'm driving I make up a whole post in my head, and then when I'm home and have time to write, it doesn't come out the same. If only I could blog, drive, and text all at the same time. Oh, we would all be in quite a bit of trouble.

So, last week we were driving home the short 15 hours from Rockford. Scott asked me if I have any new year resolutions. I immediately answered no. He looked at me with a bit of disgust.

Me: "Fine. My new year resolution is to have sex less."
Him: "Well mine is to have sex more often."
Me: "Good luck finding someone for that."

January is a terrible time to start doing things differently. It's cold outside. People are less motivated than usual. And most people want to work out more. Which sucks for me because that increases my Zumba class from 150 people to 250 people. However, that dies off by mid February so my point is proven.

The other, more reasonable resolution Scott had was to be nicer to each other. I think this was a cheap ploy to get me to fulfill his first resolution. I agreed to this resolution, but truthfully, being nice is boring. Being honest is much more fun. Especially when it's not appropriate to be. I'll stick with my first answer.

2010 in a big ole nutshell

Well, everyone sends those "Year In Review" letters with their Christmas cards, so here's mine...with a little spice. 

Who am I kidding. I can't remember what has happened this year. It's Olivia's 2nd Christmas and Emma's 6th or 7th. I thought we made our move to Alabama this year, but that was so 2009.

To be completely, partially honest, I'm not feeling that Christmasy this year. It's 60 degrees here and I'm still yelling at Emma to put shoes on when she goes outside. We all know that I shouldn't be having that argument in December. As much as I hate the cold winters and snow, Christmas isn't Christmas without it. I don't even think Emma is into it. She doesn't want anything for Christmas because she has too much stuff. Seriously. She does not get that from me.

Speaking of Emma, I'm currently driving around in my little Honda with, "Emma's mom rocks" and a peace sign written on my window with a window crayon. It's a little embarrassing, and I feel quite soccer-mom-ish, but it's from Emma, and compliments to me don't come easy with her. So I'll take it.

Christmas is all about giving, and I love giving gifts. But this year, I can't stop buying for myself. Yesterday I bought myself a new purse and 2 pairs of sunglasses. I wore my sunglasses and as soon as I got home, Scott asked me about them. That F*&%er doesn't miss anything. The rest will be wrapped and awaiting my fake surprise Christmas morning. Look who's been a good girl! Scott will most definitely be surprised. Last week I bought myself some boots. I came home yesterday, smuggling in my newest gifts to myself and they were wrapped under the tree. A month ago I bought myself a lip gloss at Sephora. The one I wanted only came in a gift pack that cost $50. I bought it. Scott wrapped it. (Without the lip gloss)


Tis the season to think of our loved ones, family and friends. I miss my friends at home terribly. I love the relationships my girls have with my family here. And I have made some wonderful, wonderful friendships here. Really, I never thought I could even come close to my friends at home, but these chicks south of the Mason Dixon Line are quite a lot of fun. I also realize, however, that home is a feeling, not a location. It doesn't matter how nice it is.

You know the golden rule. If mama ain't happy, no one's happy.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2011.

Open Letter to Republicans and Democrats

This recent election has me seeing red. I want to swear a lot (you've been warned). Not because the Republicans killed in the election, but because America is SO misinformed, and even more than that...they're ignorant.

Listen. Obama didn't create this economy. He inherited it. He didn't start this war. He inherited it. Everyone is misplacing the blame. The economy cannot be turned around in such a short amount of time. It took years of fucking it up. It is going to take at least that long to turn it around. Going downhill is a lot easier than going up.

Democrats have no loyalties. Change can't happen overnight. Because Obama hasn't created a miracle, they jump ship and vote for the other side or, worse, don't vote at all. Democrats can't get anything done because they don't have the passion the Republicans have. The Republican policies may not be the same as my own interests, but at least they're dedicated and devoted to their beliefs. Most of them are STILL defending the Bush administration. I am sure I can think of another word besides loyalty for that, however. I can't say the same for the Democrats. They turn their backs on their own party quicker than change can even be thought about. I'm giving a big F-U to Democrats right now. You fucked your own President!!

Republicans, I hope you stop blaming Obama for everything and start working on solutions with him. I, for one, am tired of hearing the anti-Obama bullshit. Hoping and planning that he fails is anti-American. That's not what's best for this country. If you want this country to regain the power it once held, and has been losing for the last 6 or so years, then come together with him and find a common ground. Stop the "we're taking back our country" bullshit. Get over your egos and your own political agendas and political parties, and do what's best for the country. And stop trying to take credit for everything good in this world. You're not without flaws.

I really hope the Republicans see how hurtful the Tea Party is going to be for America. This group creates anger, hostility, and a bad feeling overall with Americans. They are a bunch of crazy extremists, which isn't good for anyone. Republicans, that Tea Party is giving you a bum rap. Get rid of them. 

My own feelings about this election isn't that I'm angry because Republicans won. I'm angry about the stand that many have taken that is anti-American. To want to make sure the President only serves one term is not patriotic. It's not wanting what's best for our country and it's WANTING THE PRESIDENT TO FAIL, which means AMERICA FAILS.

FIND A BALANCE.