Somebody call 9-1-1

Olivia called 9-1-1 today.

I laid down for about 30 minutes because I have a sinus infection and want to blow my face off. During my short time of vulnerability, she takes the phone and I can hear her pushing numbers. I ask for it, she pretends to give it to me, and just as I go to grab it, she jerks it back and laughs. We did this 4 times before I forfeited. And that's when she called 9-1-1, because when she finally decides to give me the phone, it's calling 9-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1. Awesome. I tell them there's no emergency (yet), and hang up.

Last night, Olivia wanted to sleep with Emma, which would have been fine if sleep was actually involved. After I tucked them into bed, I walked across the house to my room where Scott is watching a movie at a volume level that was equivalent to that of being in the actual movie theatre. Just as my head is about to hit the pillow, I hear yelling coming from Emma's room. Ugh. I knew this was a bad idea. I walked through the living room, and as I turned to walk down the hallway, I can see Olivia standing at the foot of Emma's bed, running and diving into the pillow, yelling, "Superrr Paaants!!!!" What. The. Hell. As soon as she sees me, she jumps into bed and I tell her to go to sleep. "Fine!"
I decided to listen and see what's next because I can tell that this little monster is not going to sleep. Emma is laying on the floor on a heap of blankets, per her request, and Olivia is laying on Emma's bed.
I hear, "Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma.""Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
As soon as I walked back to my bedroom, I could hear music coming from across the house.

Olivia is playing the keyboard.

Upon me entering Emma's room, she quickly runs away, stepping on Emma, runs across the bed, and I tell her to go to sleep. She yanks her head to the side and pretends to snore. Loudly.

This should really piss me off, and sometimes it does, but usually it makes me like her more. And, actually, it makes me like Emma more, too, because she is so much better than her little sister.

The C-Word

I received a phone call today. It was a survey. Normally, if there isn't an actual person on the other side of the phone, I hang up. However, sometimes it's Emma's school and they have been conducting some important surveys recently. So I listened.

It started off something like this, "You have been selected as one of the top Conservatives in your area to take a survey."
Hmm...I'm pretty sure I've never been called THAT before. I continue to listen, and it's Dick something blabbing about how awful Obama is and how he's created a $1.5 trillion deficit, and blah blah blah. And the guy plugs his book a few times during the conversation. After about 2 minutes, a man comes on the phone and asks me, on a scale of 1-5, how I would rate Obama as President. I gave him a number and then that was the last question. What the hell happened to the rest of the survey?? Fucking fair weather players.
Before the guy tries to quickly dismiss me, I give him a few words to digest. Actually, if I could have reached through the phone and choked someone, I would have.

The one time I didn't let Olivia answer the phone.

Don't spread hate. Dick.

The Lost and Unfound

I took my grandmother to the doctor a couple of days ago. After, she had to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription. Olivia and I waited in the car while she went in because she had to pick up a few items as well as her prescription. We were in the car for a LONG time. Finally, I called her on her cell phone to find out what was taking so long. She told me she was getting ready to pay for her things and would be out. And then I see her through the window, paying for her items. I looked down at my phone for a second, and when I looked up again, she was gone. Well, where in the hell is she now?! I'm parked right outside of the store. I don't know how I could have missed her. So I looked around and she is about 3 cars away, with her grocery cart resting against a white Tahoe and she is pulling the handle, trying to get in this other vehicle. I drive a white Honda CR-V that's about half the size of the car she thinks is mine.  There is a lady sitting in the driver's seat of the Tahoe. I'm annoyed. Why isn't the lady telling her she is lost and getting into the wrong vehicle?? She is just sitting there looking straight ahead. Now, my grandmother looks a little crazy and her hair was extra wild that day, and she does carry a cane, but her 80 year old body is nothing to fret about.  

So I get out of my car, tell my grandmother that she's getting into the wrong vehicle, and she laughs and walks off....away from me. She has no idea where I am, or probably even where she is.

This is fun. A complete blast.

I can't drive....on I-55...

...without thinking too much.

Driving long distance is challenging for my mental state.

Here are some of the things that went through my mind while driving home from St Louis today.I think they could be valuable thoughts for all.

I wonder if I should be angry with my grandmother for going to the Dr every week, who is billing Medicare and adding to our deficit. All because she can't get her blood just right. Too thick, too thin, too thick, too thin. Mad at myself for taking her every week.

Maybe I should start taking the girls to church. I can't pinpoint why, because its a bit hypocritical on my part, but it might be good for them.

I dont care if Donald Trump runs for President. He won't win, and then we will have to listen to his excuses as to why he lost for the next 5 years. And how lame is it that he's drudging up old rumors about Obama's birthplace. Let the the President be Black without these annoying accusations.

I wonder what is in this car that I haven't eaten yet.

I really need a facial and a detox. And a pedicure. I can't wait to try that new detox I've been reading about. It will be another blog, I'm sure. Who isn't interested in what I'm eating and not eating?

Where should we live next. I'm so sick of thinking about this.

This world would be such a better place if we were all nicer to each other. I am always nice to everyone I don't know.

I love NPR.

I wish someone would tell Scotty on AI that he holds the microphone like a fag.

I wonder what Clint has been up to.

I could never live in NYC because I could never afford to live where I would want to.

I wonder if I'm ever going to get my hearing back.

I bet a lot of Jews still celebrate Easter.

And I spent the rest of my time trying to touch my tongue to my nose because Katie said she heard it firms up the jowl. I believe it.

And then I thought about things I want and don't have and things I should be doing, but am not.

And then Emma yells from the backseat, "Mom, what will Olivia be when I have a baby? An aunt?" About a week ago, she was playing in her playroom and yelled to me, "Everything is made in China!" I think she gets on my nerves because she's just like me.

Lent Update

I'm almost 3 weeks into my "no refined sugar" diet/Lent. I was feeling really great until I went to Illinois over the weekend. I don't know, but I think daily wine intake is probably not great for the diet. Although, it probably has some religious value and since I am doing this for Lent, I've forgiven myself.

On Saturday, at Maggie's shower, I had two cake pops (I had to try both flavors!) and I also consumed some sweetened chex mix (okay, I binged, but it was amazingly good), and I felt disgusting after...like physically sick. It made me think. I feel good and healthy without sugar, but if I can't even have a splurge now and then without feeling sick....well, then that's no fun at all. This no sugar thing has some drawbacks that I didn't consider.

So I'm still on the wagon after just a brief, quick, teeny weeny, little bump. But I'm already quite bored.

Lent is taking forever.

Scratch and Lent Sale

I don't own a religion, and I try to stay as far away from it as possible. I must confess, however, that I have always felt a little jealous of Lent. For years, I have stood by and watched friends deprive themselves of things like chocolate, soda, coffee, etc. While I was always elated that I didn't have to give anything up, I also saw some good in these sacrifices. One year, when I worked at Janet Wattles Center, my friend gave up soda. It seemed to me that it was a little like a diet, without calling it a diet. Rather, it was for GOD! So, some points are earned, you are respected as a religious person, and you'll probably drop a few pounds and your health will improve. I kinda wanted to do Lent.
Two days ago, I decided in order to lose a few pounds, I need to decrease my sugar intake. So, I'm on a no refined sugar diet. Then, a friend mentioned to me yesterday that she gave up Facebook for Lent. A-ha! Here's my chance. I may be starting a little late, but I'm giving up refined sugar for Lent. And, if anyone asks, I'll say, "I can't have that. I gave up sugar for Lent."

Now, I just need to find out when Lent ends.  

Parenting 401

Being a parent makes life very confusing. For me, it makes me question the person I am, the person I want to be, and, in turn, the people I want my girls to be. I'm responsible for creating these people and making sure they are the best they can be, or that I want them to be. So it makes me look at myself and while I like who I am, I don't necessarily think it's all great. Meaning, I don't know that I'm setting a great example.

Exhibit 1:  I taught Olivia to point and laugh at Emma. It was funny. Emma was being whiney about something so it only seemed fitting. It made Emma laugh and all was good. So we do it a lot. And now Olivia points and laughs at everyone. Including me. It's funny, cute, but not a great example. I'm aware.

Last month, we donated to St Jude's Children's Hospital. I got Emma involved thinking it would be good for her to get in on some giving. There was a picture of a little girl without hair and Emma had questions, and I answered. She asked how our money was going to help. I think the explanation ended with the understanding that we are trying to help save the children who are sick. A couple of weeks ago, we got a thank you letter from St Jude's. On it was another picture of a child without any hair. It looked a lot like the child from a month ago. Emma immediately started shooting off questions and accusations that I didn't "save" the little girl. I appreciated that she was genuinely concerned, and explained that it's a different child. In a sick and twisted way, I liked that she was mad at me, too.

So there's good. And then there's bad. Which is really what it comes down to for me. I like good and bad. I guess I'm hoping that my girls will be mostly good with some good bad in them. Not the really bad bad.
The key to life is balance, right?

Parenting is hard.