Things I've learned this weekend

This weekend has been a busy one. I got back from New York on Monday and while I anticipated a week of disappointment due to the yet again realization that I'm living in a less desirable part of the country, I was pleasantly surprised with a feeling of non dread.

I mean, really, leaving NYC and coming home to Alabama isn't exactly easy.

However, I had my first crawfish boil Friday night. I know it sounds crazy, and actually the crawfish thing was pretty yucko, but the party was fantastic, and I really am appreciative of the friendships I have made here. These bitches go and go and go. I like to be busy, and I love hanging out with friends, but these girls are like, "What are we doing next?" Margarita Monday. Okay. Pool play dates. Okay. Next party at my house. Okay. Beach. Check.

I love them. But they...are killing the Yankee.

I also had my first wedding Saturday night. I was a little stressed about this. I'm so out of my element with the wedding stuff. Plus, people do things differently here. I don't mean that in a bad way...just cultural stuff, I suppose. The wedding party Saturday was a little....rough. They were all drinking before the ceremony, which makes my job a lot harder. No one cared that it was time to start. The groomsmen were hiccuping right before showtime (I believe it was something along the lines of, "Good God" or "Jesus Christ" that came out of my mouth loudly and directly.), and the girls all decided they needed to go to the bathroom as we started walking toward the beach.

Oh yeah...

Beach weddings are a bitch. Way too far to walk. Walking in the sand sucks. And you know what, weddings themselves are pretty stupid. Yep, that's right. Weddings. Are. Stupid.

As I gathered the bride and groom for the cake cutting, I realized there are two champagne glass looking things that also resembled candle holders on the cake table. I asked the bride if there's champagne for the glasses.

"Just grab two beers."

Thank you for that. You just made my night.

During the reception, a guest started humping the large pole in the middle of the dance floor. If I ever get so drunk that I lift my leg on a pole, someone better punch me hard in the face.

The company I work for is not inexpensive. The condominiums where they were staying and got married were pretty nice. I was so confused as to what was going on.

The only thing I knew of for sure was that the DJ I worked with was a Jewish actor from LA and I loved him.


Sunday, we drove to New Orleans with my brother and Katie for Veggie Fest. It was very cool. Lots of new ideas, literature, samples, hippies, and.........hairy women. I love hippies almost as much as I love Jews and gays. The difference is I don't really want to hang out with them. I was standing with my brother who was holding Olivia and the hairiest women of them all walked up to us with her unibrow, armpit hair, and bare feet and said, "You are such a beautiful family." Todd responded immediately with, "That's my sister."
Uhhh...she didn't ask for a threesome, Todd. Relax. Todd is pretty loose himself; he's totally vegan, uses nothing made with animal products, and is a bit of a tree hugger, but if anyone references the two of us together he is totally weirded out. Case in point.

And then there's Scott...Scott was miserable. It started off badly when he realized it costs $10 each to even enter. I was so pissed at myself for even thinking he should come. He convinced Emma to yell, "Where's the beef?" in her little 5 yr old voice. What a jackass. Both of them.

We left the hippy haven, and walked around New Orleans. I have a love/hate relationship with that city. It's not interesting enough to explain, but the jist of it is that it's dirty and has a lot of incense stores, which I hate. But I love that I don't care how I feel or the impression I give when I'm there.

I don't really know how to end this.