When I tell people what I do, their reactions are expected. Very exciting and everyone wants to do it. It sounds fabulous, but there isn't one thing glamorous about this job. I am thankful for the friends I have and get to see when I travel, I'm grateful to have traveled to as many places as I have, but I work my ass off while I'm on-site. Sometimes, if we're lucky, there's time to leave the hotel for a couple of hours, but usually there's hardly time to even talk to my family. That's why today, I checked my phone and wasn't too surprised to see missed calls and text messages. I panicked to see urgent text messages from my good friend, Adri, and a voice mail. I didn't have time to think of all the possibilities as I immediately returned her call, but I wasn't prepared for the news she gave me.
"All of our family members are safe and okay, but one of our friends (on Facebook) died. Jason Cuttill was found dead in his car on his naval base."
I was, and still am, stunned, to say the least.
Jason is a friend from my childhood. I have such absolute fond memories of him. At one point in our friendship he was like an older brother to me and called me his lil sis. And he treated me just like it. It's these things that I hang on to now...trying to remember every memory of him. There are major ones and the smallest, but they all weigh heavy on my heart now.
Jason was always a true man, even as a teenager. He looked out for his friends, genuinely cared about people, loved his family, and seemed to always be true to himself. He was secure and confident. Good looking and had the best personality...and a pretty good mullet at one point, too. He had the biggest smile that won every girl's heart. He was one of those "what you see is what you get" guys, and everyone loved him for it.
Thanks to Facebook, Jason and I reunited, as many people have. He was one person I was truly happy to reconnect with. As usual, we harassed and threatened each other just like we were 15 again. Our last communication was very recent. When I look back now at his FB page, which is flooded with sympathy and shock, I desperately looked for our last posts. Then, finally, I found it...it said "Jason commented on your status." It was one of his last posts....and on my own page. My heart is filled with sadness as I read through everyone's comments to him and his family, but I can't bring myself to comment on his page. I am overwhelmed with sadness, my heart hurts for MY OWN loss...I can't even begin to fathom how his family feels. So, naturally, I turn to my blog to express my emotions.
It's like my public diary.
I learned something today though. I don't know how to put it into words...shocking, I'm sure. But I'm thankful that Jason and I reconnected. He touched my heart once again. I'm so thankful for our banter and our little heart to heart emails. The world really was a better place with him in it.
Peace, Jason. I love you and miss you already.
Jennifer, do you have any idea how to get a hold of Jeremy, his brother? Sorry to burst in on your journal when you're in mourning, but he's one of ours from Rockford. My best friend Shayne has been trying to reach him for some time and was worried just the other day because he wasn't responding back. Now we all know:-(
ReplyDeleteHer name is Shayne Waldron. Here's her number. 779-772-2278. She really wants to get hold of Jeremy.
Jen, I feel your pain and am only sorry that I had to break the news while you're on this work trip! It is just surreal to be talking with someone one day who is gone the next. I've been reflecting on my memories with him as well, which I'll save to share with you in a more private forum. He was a great genuine guy, and that smile...oh my! Sparkling but now a bit haunting as I see more and more pics of him on Facebook! It really just puts all of us into check...to appreciate each and every moment and all the people sharing them with you. We are all not long for this world. It's not a matter of where we've been, but where are we going? Big hugs to you as you reminisce! Luv ya.
ReplyDeleteAdri
I remember Jason and his brothers well. I guess I always lump them in with memories of you girls, especially you and Adri. There was always either Jason or Mike hanging around at you girls' birthday parties, even the slumber parties. Not that any of the girls were complaining. :) Those boys were the first boys I remember being chivalrous. They were the kind of guys that held open doors, changed tires on the side of the road, and would defend a girl's honor. The Cuttill boys set the standard for what a real man should be. Jason will be sorely missed.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss squirt!!! I too am terrified of forgetting every memory of my brother...I'm trying to relive everything I can in my head, but it's totally overwhelming. A friend suggested I write them down, so that I cna't forget them and so I can look back on them for years...
ReplyDeletehello jen:
ReplyDeleteyou do not know me, but i may have met you if you were at jason's funeral i dont even know if you check this thing anymore, but as it is coming up on the 1 year anniversary of jason's death i am so glad that i found this to read...it brought back old memories! I am his cousin, his only girl cousin on his mother's side, so you can imagine the type of torture, and protection i recieved! I just really appreciate what you have written and it really helps to keep his memory alive and real! thanks again and i will be passing this on to my aunt!
have a great afternoon
nicole