I pick you, and you, and you....aaand.....you.

I don't know what has happened to me. When we were moving here I thought about all of the different ways I would meet people and the new friends to be made. Since we have been here, I have met several people, all very nice and normal - people I could probably befriend. Some have called or emailed me and I've conversed a little that way. But truly.....I'm not that interested.  Maybe it's laziness. Maybe I don't feel a real connection. I don't know what it is exactly, but if it doesn't feel natural to me, then I just don't want to put the effort forward. This is creating a very lonely life for me. I need friends...I need to be around people. But not just anyone. I crave meaningful relationships. I want to be around people who are relatable, funny, understand my humor....are essentially effortless. That's probably rare to find and may not be found in the beginning of a relationship, but then again why not.

Exhibit 1: Emma had a bday party to attend earlier this week. She wanted Scott to take her and that worked out great for me. I adore the mother of the boy who's bday it was. She is probably one person I can be around and feel myself and not have to be careful of what might come out of my mouth - mostly anyway. But a bday party meant other mothers and a lot of small talk, which I'm just not interested in and am not even that good at pretending. So Scott went and was the only dad. Hee hee...

I'm trying to find a place here, I guess. I've never fit in with one group of people though and I've never felt as ostracized as I do here. It's my own fault. I am a little jaded by the conservatism, the church at every corner, Emma's new kindergarten class, and the stupid school district deciding NOT to show Obama's speech and knowing that if he was a white republican, it would be mandated.  

I need to just get over it. I am going to do that today. Or maybe tomorrow. By Monday, at least.