Michael Jackson

I realize my response is a little delayed, but, at the time of his death, I was self consumed with my move and my feelings about his death were so mixed, I really couldn't blog properly. Now....my feelings are clear.

As clear as they'll ever be anyway.

I was packing my house away when I got a call from my aunt that Michael had died. I didn't believe her because I just always kind of assume she doesn't really know what's going on. So I turn on MSNBC and sure enough, she was wrong. He was in cardiac arrest. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but if he's in it, he's still alive. Then, a few minutes later they reported that he was dead. So she wasn't entirely wrong. I stood there watching the TV. Somewhat in disbelief, but mostly I didn't feel that much at all. I felt much sadder when Anna Nicole Smith died. Very odd, I know.

After much deliberation, I know why I didn't feel anything for Michael. To me, he had died long before his actual death. The studded glove wearing, moon walking, jheri curled guy I adored and whose posters I hung in my bedroom as a teenager was gone a long time ago.

I never paid much attention to the molestation charges. I don't really think he did it. I didn't even care too much when he dangled his baby over the balcony. Yeah, it was definitely strange, but I'm sure he wasn't trying to purposely endanger his child. I cared more about what he did to his face. To intentionally have plastic surgery after surgery and screw up his face so badly interprets into much deeper issues than those "mishaps". I might be minimizing a little with mishaps, but what I mean is those other things weren't intentional (or, in my opinion, true).

Maybe I'm more forgiving now that he's dead, but it puts things into perspective for me. The Pepsi fire started an addiction. His dad created a terribly insecure boy. His fame made him an extremely lonely person. So, you see, a lot of major things made Michael Jackson the freak he ended up being. And I say that with the utmost empathy. 

Anyway, there is so much that can be said about this, but the point is Michael Jackson died a long time ago in my eyes. That is much sadder to me than his actual death.

Ironically, my favorite MJ song is Man in the Mirror.