Hippies Only

I never put any thought into what I put on in the morning. When I start thinking about what I'm putting on, I get very irritated with myself. And it never works out. It's all pretty much the same, and frankly, I'm not happy that I have to get dressed at all. If I knew how to make my own clothes, I would do it. I've never really loved anything that I've bought and have always thought I could come up with my own clothing line for myself if I knew how to sew. I did take Home Economics in Middle School and made pillows and some article of clothing that I can't remember. I even stole my mom's sewing machine in hopes one day I would try to figure it out. Right after I finish (and start) the girls' scrapbooks for which I have a closet full of stationery.

While I was shopping at Woodmans today, a grandpa looking man stopped me. He grabbed my hand and said to me, "You know, I have some patches you can have for those pants." I looked down and saw that I do have several intentional holes in my jeans...actually more than I even remember. This made sense though since I don't usually look at myself after I've gotten dressed. One hole is quite big because when I put them on, my foot went through the hole, ripping the threads that kept the hole not a total hole. Then, he said, "You're a hippy, aren't you? Or free spirit...would you prefer 'free spirit'?" I laugh uncomfortably and tell him I'm really fine either way. I looked down at my jeans again and see the holes, and past the jeans are my recycled shoes. I started thinking as I walked through the store. Do I look like a hippy? I mean, I showered AND washed my hair. Then, I looked in my basket of groceries and hoped not to run into him again.  (Sorry I don't know how to flip it.)

I don't think I'm a hippy, and I take no offense to the label, but I'm wondering...At what age do you feel okay stopping strangers and calling them names? This man meant no harm. And I took no offense to it. It was somewhat entertaining, albeit uncomfortable. But, I can't WAIT until I can start telling people what I'm really thinking.

Parenting is hard. Before I had children, I wasn't completely convinced that having children would be in anyone's best interest. I was (possibly "am") selfish and a little spoiled so I felt that really, either way I would be fine. I could take it or leave it. When we decided to start having children, it took Scott and I two years to get pregnant with Emma. I had given up, and really had accepted that it wasn't going to happen ,and maybe that was for the best. Then, at work one day, my boss and colleagues made me quit procrastinating and avoiding that fact that I could quite possibly be pregnant. I drove to the store and took a pregnancy test in the stall of my work bathroom. It was positive immediately, and I was beyond believing that this could now be happening. What...the hell was I going to do with a baby.

Fast forward to now.

I don't know how, but (well, technically I do. I mean we all now HOW it happens, but figuratively speaking, I guess) 7 years later, not only do I have a 7 year old, but also a nearly 3 year old. And, so I've been told, they're just like me. Perfect.

Yesterday, I picked up Emma from school, as I normally do. I'm trying to figure out different ways to get her to talk to me and give me some information. Not because I need to know everything that happens at school in 2nd grade, but I'm trying to build a foundation for our future. I feel like everything I do now with her is setting us up for our future, of which I am about as frightened as I can possibly be. So, she tells me that she is student of the week this week. Well, that's great, but it's Wednesday, so are you student of the week for two days?

Emma: I have to make a poster about me and then my teacher will hang it up.

Me:  For two days? Are you sure you're student of the week this week?

Emma: Ugh! You're going to get me stressed out.

Me: Oh really? Well, Miss Daisy, I'm sorry I'm stressing you out. I won't ask you anymore questions.

Emma: Well, you always get me stressed out because you ask too many questions and I don't know the answers.

Me: Okay, fine.

Silence.

So a learning block for me, I guess. I mean, I've been saying that my head hurts and I fear I might have a tumor because it hurts when I tip my head upside down. Maggie says it's because I have ADD, but she's not a doctor. Especially, not a head doctor. And why would ADD make my head hurt. Oh yeah, I think she related the ADD to my extremely poor memory. Still, it's on my list of things I need to do. Well, if I had a list, it would be on my list. It's on my mental list. Anyway, no wonder my head hurts. I am trying to stay two steps ahead of a 7 year old and a 3 year old who are little spawns of me. It's hard. Plus, there's always the possibility of a tumor.

Then, there's Olivia. Today, she brought my phone to me and told me it's not working. Well, that's AWESOME since it's brand new, and not super cheap. I checked, and it was blank. No response. Completely dead. Caput. So I threaten both of them and tell them they are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever playing on my phone again. Emma is perplexed because she can't understand why I'm mad at her since she didn't do anything. Olivia is looking at me like she just killed the dog, apologizing and asking if I'm mad at her.
Yes, I was mad at her, but I just couldn't understand why it wasn't working.
I was THIS close to going to Verizon. I mean coats on and everything, and then I decided I could wait until Scott got home.
Plan B. I'll look on the computer and see if I can find any forums about the iPhone not turning on.
Push this button and this button until the apple icon comes up. Okay....well there's the apple icon. Let's see what happens next.
Oh, it turned the phone on.
Weird.

Thanks be to the Greek gods that I did not go to Verizon.

God versus the dinosaurs

It's a week before Christmas and I feel that I am quite a bit less frenzied than most. Christmas shopping is done (I think), the house is decorated, and our tree is crooked in true Leathers fashion. I've tried fixing it 15 times, and it seems to lean more and more each time. Scott has been working too much to care. Putting a dead tree in the living room and hanging ornaments on it has always seemed a little strange to me anyway so this just adds to my uncertainty. Christmas music has been on at all times, my favorite being, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" and I imagine being in the city and visiting my boyfriend...I need to leave and he wants me to stay and have more hot chocolate. Imagination never killed anyone.

Scott bought me an iPhone for Christmas. I know this because, suddenly, my Android quit working and when I called Verizon to troubleshoot, the lady confirmed that I am using the iPhone 4. I corrected her with some confusion at first, and then looked at Scott and realized he bought me the iPhone and the sales person must've activated it, accidentally. Whoopsie. So he ended up giving me the phone, in complete annoyance. I didn't activate it because, really, I wanted the iPhone 4S. So it has sat in the laundry room for 2 weeks. I've been convinced I'm not getting the 4S. Until today when Scott left to finish his Christmas shopping. I ran out at the last minute to ask him to pick up some pictures I had developed at Walgreens. When I opened his car door, I saw the Verizon bag sitting on the floor. I looked at him, trying to pretend I didn't see it and then, I couldn't help it anymore, I started laughing uncontrollably. He looked at me with disgust, not laughing. I muttered out the favor I needed and slammed the door shut, walking away, still laughing.

On a positive note, this Christmas I signed Emma and I up to be bell ringers for the Salvation Army. If you haven't done this, you should. It's extremely boring and you have to ring the bell for 2 long hours, but Emma enjoyed it, asked lots of questions about why we were doing it, what the money was for, etc. It was nice, not to mention, 2 hours I spent with her doing absolutely nothing except ringing a bell. After two hours I had a headache, but it went away with a few Advil. We've done other charitable things, but this is something new this year.

A few days ago Emma asked me if God lived before or after the dinosaurs. Now, my religious beliefs are mostly religious doubts, but I try not to inflict my feelings about church, the Bible, or any holiness subjects onto my children. Raising atheists at 2 and 7 years of age isn't exactly my plan in raising these two. Plus, I flip flop quite a bit, and I'm trying to be more open to the idea of God, and I've been pretty good with it lately. However, that Emma was working out in her mind how God could have created everything if dinosaurs lived before him was pretty ingenious to me. I was proud of her, but a little overwhelmed. I suggested she read a book. I don't know what book, but I can't try to sell her something that I don't completely believe myself. I started thinking as quickly as possible, so I mentioned to Emma that maybe we will go to church on Christmas Eve. It's a bit of a change of subject, but my hands were tied. I knew she wouldn't be overly excited, but what I didn't expect was this:

Me: Emma, maybe we should go to church on Christmas Eve.
Emma: What?! WHY would I want to spend my Christmas Eve at CHURCH??
Me: (mostly mortified, somewhat entertained) Em, do you know why we celebrate Christmas?
Emma: No. Me (shoot.) Lou, we celebrate Christmas because it's Jesus' birthday.
Emma: Well, then why do WE get presents??
Me: (thinking she is quickly becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and not having a great answer): Because that's what he would have wanted. (For the record, I do know about the 3 kings.)
Emma: Well, then what does Santa have to do with it?
Me: Ummm...Santa delivers the presents.

So, it looks like we are going to church on Christmas Eve.

This is a picture of Emma and Olivia in Chicago last night. Olivia refusing to look at the camera. She didn't even care that much about the trains.

And Olivia still not cooperating. I think Becky told her Dorothy was there so she turned around for a second, refusing to look at me.

Somebody call 9-1-1

Olivia called 9-1-1 today.

I laid down for about 30 minutes because I have a sinus infection and want to blow my face off. During my short time of vulnerability, she takes the phone and I can hear her pushing numbers. I ask for it, she pretends to give it to me, and just as I go to grab it, she jerks it back and laughs. We did this 4 times before I forfeited. And that's when she called 9-1-1, because when she finally decides to give me the phone, it's calling 9-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1. Awesome. I tell them there's no emergency (yet), and hang up.

Last night, Olivia wanted to sleep with Emma, which would have been fine if sleep was actually involved. After I tucked them into bed, I walked across the house to my room where Scott is watching a movie at a volume level that was equivalent to that of being in the actual movie theatre. Just as my head is about to hit the pillow, I hear yelling coming from Emma's room. Ugh. I knew this was a bad idea. I walked through the living room, and as I turned to walk down the hallway, I can see Olivia standing at the foot of Emma's bed, running and diving into the pillow, yelling, "Superrr Paaants!!!!" What. The. Hell. As soon as she sees me, she jumps into bed and I tell her to go to sleep. "Fine!"
I decided to listen and see what's next because I can tell that this little monster is not going to sleep. Emma is laying on the floor on a heap of blankets, per her request, and Olivia is laying on Emma's bed.
I hear, "Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma.""Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Emma."
As soon as I walked back to my bedroom, I could hear music coming from across the house.

Olivia is playing the keyboard.

Upon me entering Emma's room, she quickly runs away, stepping on Emma, runs across the bed, and I tell her to go to sleep. She yanks her head to the side and pretends to snore. Loudly.

This should really piss me off, and sometimes it does, but usually it makes me like her more. And, actually, it makes me like Emma more, too, because she is so much better than her little sister.

The C-Word

I received a phone call today. It was a survey. Normally, if there isn't an actual person on the other side of the phone, I hang up. However, sometimes it's Emma's school and they have been conducting some important surveys recently. So I listened.

It started off something like this, "You have been selected as one of the top Conservatives in your area to take a survey."
Hmm...I'm pretty sure I've never been called THAT before. I continue to listen, and it's Dick something blabbing about how awful Obama is and how he's created a $1.5 trillion deficit, and blah blah blah. And the guy plugs his book a few times during the conversation. After about 2 minutes, a man comes on the phone and asks me, on a scale of 1-5, how I would rate Obama as President. I gave him a number and then that was the last question. What the hell happened to the rest of the survey?? Fucking fair weather players.
Before the guy tries to quickly dismiss me, I give him a few words to digest. Actually, if I could have reached through the phone and choked someone, I would have.

The one time I didn't let Olivia answer the phone.

Don't spread hate. Dick.

The Lost and Unfound

I took my grandmother to the doctor a couple of days ago. After, she had to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription. Olivia and I waited in the car while she went in because she had to pick up a few items as well as her prescription. We were in the car for a LONG time. Finally, I called her on her cell phone to find out what was taking so long. She told me she was getting ready to pay for her things and would be out. And then I see her through the window, paying for her items. I looked down at my phone for a second, and when I looked up again, she was gone. Well, where in the hell is she now?! I'm parked right outside of the store. I don't know how I could have missed her. So I looked around and she is about 3 cars away, with her grocery cart resting against a white Tahoe and she is pulling the handle, trying to get in this other vehicle. I drive a white Honda CR-V that's about half the size of the car she thinks is mine.  There is a lady sitting in the driver's seat of the Tahoe. I'm annoyed. Why isn't the lady telling her she is lost and getting into the wrong vehicle?? She is just sitting there looking straight ahead. Now, my grandmother looks a little crazy and her hair was extra wild that day, and she does carry a cane, but her 80 year old body is nothing to fret about.  

So I get out of my car, tell my grandmother that she's getting into the wrong vehicle, and she laughs and walks off....away from me. She has no idea where I am, or probably even where she is.

This is fun. A complete blast.

I can't drive....on I-55...

...without thinking too much.

Driving long distance is challenging for my mental state.

Here are some of the things that went through my mind while driving home from St Louis today.I think they could be valuable thoughts for all.

I wonder if I should be angry with my grandmother for going to the Dr every week, who is billing Medicare and adding to our deficit. All because she can't get her blood just right. Too thick, too thin, too thick, too thin. Mad at myself for taking her every week.

Maybe I should start taking the girls to church. I can't pinpoint why, because its a bit hypocritical on my part, but it might be good for them.

I dont care if Donald Trump runs for President. He won't win, and then we will have to listen to his excuses as to why he lost for the next 5 years. And how lame is it that he's drudging up old rumors about Obama's birthplace. Let the the President be Black without these annoying accusations.

I wonder what is in this car that I haven't eaten yet.

I really need a facial and a detox. And a pedicure. I can't wait to try that new detox I've been reading about. It will be another blog, I'm sure. Who isn't interested in what I'm eating and not eating?

Where should we live next. I'm so sick of thinking about this.

This world would be such a better place if we were all nicer to each other. I am always nice to everyone I don't know.

I love NPR.

I wish someone would tell Scotty on AI that he holds the microphone like a fag.

I wonder what Clint has been up to.

I could never live in NYC because I could never afford to live where I would want to.

I wonder if I'm ever going to get my hearing back.

I bet a lot of Jews still celebrate Easter.

And I spent the rest of my time trying to touch my tongue to my nose because Katie said she heard it firms up the jowl. I believe it.

And then I thought about things I want and don't have and things I should be doing, but am not.

And then Emma yells from the backseat, "Mom, what will Olivia be when I have a baby? An aunt?" About a week ago, she was playing in her playroom and yelled to me, "Everything is made in China!" I think she gets on my nerves because she's just like me.

Lent Update

I'm almost 3 weeks into my "no refined sugar" diet/Lent. I was feeling really great until I went to Illinois over the weekend. I don't know, but I think daily wine intake is probably not great for the diet. Although, it probably has some religious value and since I am doing this for Lent, I've forgiven myself.

On Saturday, at Maggie's shower, I had two cake pops (I had to try both flavors!) and I also consumed some sweetened chex mix (okay, I binged, but it was amazingly good), and I felt disgusting after...like physically sick. It made me think. I feel good and healthy without sugar, but if I can't even have a splurge now and then without feeling sick....well, then that's no fun at all. This no sugar thing has some drawbacks that I didn't consider.

So I'm still on the wagon after just a brief, quick, teeny weeny, little bump. But I'm already quite bored.

Lent is taking forever.

Scratch and Lent Sale

I don't own a religion, and I try to stay as far away from it as possible. I must confess, however, that I have always felt a little jealous of Lent. For years, I have stood by and watched friends deprive themselves of things like chocolate, soda, coffee, etc. While I was always elated that I didn't have to give anything up, I also saw some good in these sacrifices. One year, when I worked at Janet Wattles Center, my friend gave up soda. It seemed to me that it was a little like a diet, without calling it a diet. Rather, it was for GOD! So, some points are earned, you are respected as a religious person, and you'll probably drop a few pounds and your health will improve. I kinda wanted to do Lent.
Two days ago, I decided in order to lose a few pounds, I need to decrease my sugar intake. So, I'm on a no refined sugar diet. Then, a friend mentioned to me yesterday that she gave up Facebook for Lent. A-ha! Here's my chance. I may be starting a little late, but I'm giving up refined sugar for Lent. And, if anyone asks, I'll say, "I can't have that. I gave up sugar for Lent."

Now, I just need to find out when Lent ends.  

Parenting 401

Being a parent makes life very confusing. For me, it makes me question the person I am, the person I want to be, and, in turn, the people I want my girls to be. I'm responsible for creating these people and making sure they are the best they can be, or that I want them to be. So it makes me look at myself and while I like who I am, I don't necessarily think it's all great. Meaning, I don't know that I'm setting a great example.

Exhibit 1:  I taught Olivia to point and laugh at Emma. It was funny. Emma was being whiney about something so it only seemed fitting. It made Emma laugh and all was good. So we do it a lot. And now Olivia points and laughs at everyone. Including me. It's funny, cute, but not a great example. I'm aware.

Last month, we donated to St Jude's Children's Hospital. I got Emma involved thinking it would be good for her to get in on some giving. There was a picture of a little girl without hair and Emma had questions, and I answered. She asked how our money was going to help. I think the explanation ended with the understanding that we are trying to help save the children who are sick. A couple of weeks ago, we got a thank you letter from St Jude's. On it was another picture of a child without any hair. It looked a lot like the child from a month ago. Emma immediately started shooting off questions and accusations that I didn't "save" the little girl. I appreciated that she was genuinely concerned, and explained that it's a different child. In a sick and twisted way, I liked that she was mad at me, too.

So there's good. And then there's bad. Which is really what it comes down to for me. I like good and bad. I guess I'm hoping that my girls will be mostly good with some good bad in them. Not the really bad bad.
The key to life is balance, right?

Parenting is hard.

New Year, Same Me

First of all, I need to apologize for my last post. I had too many thoughts going through my head and couldn't get it all out. Sometimes when I'm driving I make up a whole post in my head, and then when I'm home and have time to write, it doesn't come out the same. If only I could blog, drive, and text all at the same time. Oh, we would all be in quite a bit of trouble.

So, last week we were driving home the short 15 hours from Rockford. Scott asked me if I have any new year resolutions. I immediately answered no. He looked at me with a bit of disgust.

Me: "Fine. My new year resolution is to have sex less."
Him: "Well mine is to have sex more often."
Me: "Good luck finding someone for that."

January is a terrible time to start doing things differently. It's cold outside. People are less motivated than usual. And most people want to work out more. Which sucks for me because that increases my Zumba class from 150 people to 250 people. However, that dies off by mid February so my point is proven.

The other, more reasonable resolution Scott had was to be nicer to each other. I think this was a cheap ploy to get me to fulfill his first resolution. I agreed to this resolution, but truthfully, being nice is boring. Being honest is much more fun. Especially when it's not appropriate to be. I'll stick with my first answer.

2010 in a big ole nutshell

Well, everyone sends those "Year In Review" letters with their Christmas cards, so here's mine...with a little spice. 

Who am I kidding. I can't remember what has happened this year. It's Olivia's 2nd Christmas and Emma's 6th or 7th. I thought we made our move to Alabama this year, but that was so 2009.

To be completely, partially honest, I'm not feeling that Christmasy this year. It's 60 degrees here and I'm still yelling at Emma to put shoes on when she goes outside. We all know that I shouldn't be having that argument in December. As much as I hate the cold winters and snow, Christmas isn't Christmas without it. I don't even think Emma is into it. She doesn't want anything for Christmas because she has too much stuff. Seriously. She does not get that from me.

Speaking of Emma, I'm currently driving around in my little Honda with, "Emma's mom rocks" and a peace sign written on my window with a window crayon. It's a little embarrassing, and I feel quite soccer-mom-ish, but it's from Emma, and compliments to me don't come easy with her. So I'll take it.

Christmas is all about giving, and I love giving gifts. But this year, I can't stop buying for myself. Yesterday I bought myself a new purse and 2 pairs of sunglasses. I wore my sunglasses and as soon as I got home, Scott asked me about them. That F*&%er doesn't miss anything. The rest will be wrapped and awaiting my fake surprise Christmas morning. Look who's been a good girl! Scott will most definitely be surprised. Last week I bought myself some boots. I came home yesterday, smuggling in my newest gifts to myself and they were wrapped under the tree. A month ago I bought myself a lip gloss at Sephora. The one I wanted only came in a gift pack that cost $50. I bought it. Scott wrapped it. (Without the lip gloss)


Tis the season to think of our loved ones, family and friends. I miss my friends at home terribly. I love the relationships my girls have with my family here. And I have made some wonderful, wonderful friendships here. Really, I never thought I could even come close to my friends at home, but these chicks south of the Mason Dixon Line are quite a lot of fun. I also realize, however, that home is a feeling, not a location. It doesn't matter how nice it is.

You know the golden rule. If mama ain't happy, no one's happy.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2011.

Open Letter to Republicans and Democrats

This recent election has me seeing red. I want to swear a lot (you've been warned). Not because the Republicans killed in the election, but because America is SO misinformed, and even more than that...they're ignorant.

Listen. Obama didn't create this economy. He inherited it. He didn't start this war. He inherited it. Everyone is misplacing the blame. The economy cannot be turned around in such a short amount of time. It took years of fucking it up. It is going to take at least that long to turn it around. Going downhill is a lot easier than going up.

Democrats have no loyalties. Change can't happen overnight. Because Obama hasn't created a miracle, they jump ship and vote for the other side or, worse, don't vote at all. Democrats can't get anything done because they don't have the passion the Republicans have. The Republican policies may not be the same as my own interests, but at least they're dedicated and devoted to their beliefs. Most of them are STILL defending the Bush administration. I am sure I can think of another word besides loyalty for that, however. I can't say the same for the Democrats. They turn their backs on their own party quicker than change can even be thought about. I'm giving a big F-U to Democrats right now. You fucked your own President!!

Republicans, I hope you stop blaming Obama for everything and start working on solutions with him. I, for one, am tired of hearing the anti-Obama bullshit. Hoping and planning that he fails is anti-American. That's not what's best for this country. If you want this country to regain the power it once held, and has been losing for the last 6 or so years, then come together with him and find a common ground. Stop the "we're taking back our country" bullshit. Get over your egos and your own political agendas and political parties, and do what's best for the country. And stop trying to take credit for everything good in this world. You're not without flaws.

I really hope the Republicans see how hurtful the Tea Party is going to be for America. This group creates anger, hostility, and a bad feeling overall with Americans. They are a bunch of crazy extremists, which isn't good for anyone. Republicans, that Tea Party is giving you a bum rap. Get rid of them. 

My own feelings about this election isn't that I'm angry because Republicans won. I'm angry about the stand that many have taken that is anti-American. To want to make sure the President only serves one term is not patriotic. It's not wanting what's best for our country and it's WANTING THE PRESIDENT TO FAIL, which means AMERICA FAILS.

FIND A BALANCE.

Blame Facebook, Not Obama

Recently, I was out to dinner with my friend while I was in Chicago.

Our conversation went a little like this:

Him: My friends, *Dick and *Jane, they have this...

Me: Oh, I totally know them! I saw them on your FB page. She is REALLY pretty! Is that weird?

Him: No, I totally stalk your FB page, too. It's fine.

Me: Okay, good.

So it made me think... Facebook has seriously taken over the world. As awkward as this particular situation was not, it seems so bizarre to me to know so much about other people who I have very little personal contact with and care so little about. Not you, Clint...you know you're the best thing that ever came out of Facebook to me and you're now on my Top 5 Favorite Men In My Life list. And if you ever quit Facebook, I will never be the same. 

It made me wonder what if I ran into someone who I am really not friends with, never was, but have been acquainted somehow in the past, and now I know from their status updates that they just had their 15th child, beat cancer, just redesigned their kitchen, and is contemplating getting a new family pet.

"Hi, I know everything about you, more than I have ever known even when and if we ever were real friends so hey, good luck with everything, way to go, and congratulations!"

I mean, it's kind of weird.

Is conversation going to become extinct? Between texting, emailing, and Facebooking, who needs to talk? How many times, in conversation, do you hear or say, "Oh I know, I saw it on Facebook." Well, what in the hell is there to talk about now???

I realize that due to everyone being so busy that this has become the best way to keep updated with your friends and family, and also, living so far away from my friends and family, it's a great tool for me. I get it. I will also say that there are several people who I haven't been great friends with in the past, but I thoroughly enjoy now.


I am not being a Facebook hater, I appreciate it for so many reasons. I mean, I really don't know what I would do without all of those quotes people put in their statuses. I often wonder if they have one of those "rip off the day" calendars they are reading from. Listen, I expect this from some people because that's who they are, but hey, Confucius, if you don't have anything to say, then just be quiet. It's okay. No one will forget about you.

*Names have been changed due to lack of remembering their real names. Okay, not really, I'm just pretending I forgot. I know their names and their kid's name.

Thanks, but that's not really necessary.

I just had the best and worst grocery shopping experience.

I went grocery shopping this morning since I thought it safe to assume most people around here would be in church.

I was right. By the time I was leaving, families were arriving in herds in their church garb.

Anyway, I shop at this grocery store quite often. I really kind of love it. It's very nice and I enjoy the people it attracts, mostly. The best parts of the grocery store are the beginning and the end. The beginning is the produce and bakery, which is where I do most of my shopping. The end is all of the frozen food, which I also enjoy because I get a lot of my vegetarian items there. The other stuff is all just stuff in the middle that has very little excitement value to me. Just in case you were wondering my preferences.

The employees are always very friendly and welcoming. Today, however, by the end of my shopping experience I began to feel like the friendliness was getting quite annoying. Every employee greeted me, asked me how I was doing today, and if I was finding everything okay. As I walked along the frozen foods, I thought to myself, "I should get a t-shirt that says, 'Hi. Good. Yes. Thanks.' and wear it when I shop here." It kind of became a game and I tried to hurry past the employees before they had a chance to say anything to me. I got by one lady without the schpeel. And then I thought that she probably wasn't a very good employee.

So then I am walking by the check out lines, scanning for the shortest line. Another employee, but manager looking type, started walking with me and told me that it looked like the lady in Line 9 was just about finished.

Great...thanks! (unnecessary, but nice)

He then helped me pull my basket into the line and offers to put my groceries on the conveyor belt and before I can answer he is pulling everything out of my basket.  By the way, people down here call them "buggies". I think it's cute, but it's not natural for me so I can't do it. Kinda like how Europeans call vacation "holiday". I like that, too, but let's face it. Americans don't talk like that. We totally got ripped off in the language and accent department.

Now what happens next is typical here. The bagger always asks to take your groceries out to your car for you. I ALWAYS decline, except one time when the kid insisted. It was very uncomfortable.

Can you believe it? Can you believe how willing and eager people are to be nice and helpful? I don't even really think it has anything to do with the South (for the record there are plenty of rude people down here so don't even think about giving them credit for this). I think it has everything to do with the store policies.

Oh, the reason why it was the also the worst experience is because I'm a bit uncomfortable with people being really nice to me. I don't want any rudeness coming my way, but the over the top niceties make me really awkward.

I feel like I should give a little shout out to the store, for what it's worth. Here ya go, Publix. (I know! I thought it was just a storage place, too!)

I want my puppy back.

This past week has been full of adventure, fun, excitement, dread, and sadness. I know! Busy! I actually wasn't going to write about any of it because it's too much, but then I mowed the grass and crazy things happen in my head when I get behind that lawnmower.

If you saw my yard, you would understand. It now looks like a collage of grids. I don't even care.

I was in Chicago for work this past week. That, in itself makes me appreciative. I appreciate the work, and I appreciate being in one of my fave cities. A super huge added bonus is that I get to reunite with my friends. Little makes me happier.

While I was gone, Scott found a puppy. I'm not a dog person. I'm not an indoor animal person at all actually. So I knew that when I got home I would have the task of finding this puppy a home or taking him to the no-kill shelter. I got home Thursday afternoon and Scott was leaving on Friday for the weekend. This puppy took to me like I was his mother. He loved me. I took him everywhere with me...partially because I wanted to find him a home, partially because I didn't want him making a mess at my home, and partially because it was kind of fun to have him around. And he was SO good, it was easy. Well, as easy as carting around a 6 yr old, 20 mo old, and new puppy can be. If only I could have put Olivia on a leash.

Saturday morning, Emma had a football game for which she had to cheer. Naturally...actually, not-so-naturally, I brought the puppy with us. I met this couple who was really interested in the puppy, live on the water, and have lots of land...perfect space for this dog, really. They gave me their phone number had I decided to give the puppy up. I went home, talked to Scott and Emma, and met the new owners an hour later.

I got back in the car, and Emma was very upset. I felt terrible. I felt bad for her, bad for me, and bad for the dog. He REALLY liked me. And I liked him way more than I ever expected. I was his favorite. I'm no one's favorite. Everyone in this house likes Scott the best.

The next obvious thing was to get mad at Scott for bringing home a puppy, going out of town, and leaving me with the responsibility of figuring out what to do with him. Thanks, Scott. Now we're all attached to a puppy that's going to grow to be bigger than me. I know I made the sensible decision, but I still feel awful. 

Finally, I'm someone's favorite and I gave him away.

Catching a Break...Or Not

Yesterday, Emma came home from school and I started going through her folder. Her spelling test was in there so I took a look. "A" 93%... Being the spelling bee that I was (am), I have a lot of interest in this so I see she has spelled the word "help", "hlep". So I yell for her, "Emmaaaa..."

And she yells back from the other room, "I know, I know, I know! I moved my crayon today. Marcus and Harrison both sit next to me though and talk."

"What does that have to do with you?"

"I talk back to them."

So I look at her calendar where her teacher either gives them a smiley face if they didn't have to move their crayon because they were good/listened all day, a straight face if they move it once, a squiggly face if they move it twice, and a sad face if they've been terrible. She's had a couple straight faces, once for playing in the restroom and the other time for pinching Marcus. He pinched her, she pinched him, he pinched her again harder and she told on him so they both had to move their crayon. The lesson? If you pinch someone back, you can't tell on them. Whatever. Anyway, Emma had a smiley face yesterday.

So I go back to her room where she is to tell her that she had a smiley face and that I was just calling for her because she spelled "help" wrong.

She smiles and says, "Oh. Weeeellllllll, my teacher decided to give me a little.....break, I guess."

I love that kid.

Leathers Language

Last night Emma and I were watching Glee. Scott ridicules me over and over about it, but I don't care. 

Emma loves Glee. She loves the singing and dancing and is mesmerized by it. I love that she loves it. What I don't love is when they say words like slut, knocked up, and "what the hell are you doing". Especially when Discouraging Scott walks by. I don't like it either, and I'm trying to figure it out. She doesn't watch it all the time, and about 15 minutes before it was for-real over I pretended it was over and turned it off...shortly after Sue shouted, "What the hell are you doing?" and the two cheerleaders got in a knock down-hair pulling-school hallway fight.

Fine, Scott wins.

Until...Emma started singing Billionaire. "Freaking" isn't a great word for a 6 year old. On Kids Bop 18 they say "very" instead of "freaking". "Let's go with that," I tell Emma. She doesn't go for it. Then, she says, "How about if I say, 'So f-ing bad...'"
"No, I don't want to hear anything sounding like f-ing or freaking coming out of your mouth."
She doesn't stop until finally I threaten to put soap in her mouth if I ever hear her say it again.
Done.

On another note...  Olivia's new word is "doobies." It's what we call our boobies in the Leathers house. Compliments of 2 year old Emma.

Weekend Warrior

I spent this past weekend in Illinois...in the beautiful, 75 degree FALL weather, away from the 95 degree fake Alabama Fall weather.With no kids and no husband.  

Going to Northern Illinois in the Fall is tricky. It makes you think really wonderful things about the Midwest. All of a sudden I forgot about the -20 degree winters. And I forgot about the short summers. But that's what Fall does. It makes you like the Midwest.

I had a great weekend with friends and family. We started the weekend right away. Friday night we went to the Rockford Market. If you live in Rockford and haven't gone yet, you're missing out. Finally, they are making something out of the downtown, and for once, I felt like Rockford actually may be doing something right. Saturday I visited with my cousins and aunts, and I realize now why my 31 week pregnant with twins cousin is on bed rest. After 4 hours of visiting, we were all shouting over each other and at each other. All in love, of course. Saturday night friends and I went to the Cubs/Brewers game in Milwaukee, which I'm pretty sure that collectively, the 9 of us girls, probably saw about 5 minutes of the game. Holy commotion. Sunday I attended my friend's wedding in Chicago. It was a beautiful day and again, made me miss home. Boo. Hoo.

So I was driving home from the airport Monday night, appreciating Alabama's 70 mph speed limit when I remembered that I have a parking ticket in Chicago from when I was there in June. I received a parking ticket on Lake Shore for parking in a no parking zone during rush hour. I contested it (of course) because it was Memorial Day! There is no rush hour on Memorial Day! So I contested it and forgot about it...until two days ago. I never heard back from anyone. Does this mean I am in the clear? Or am I wanted in Chicago? Here's the problem. I have a teensy weensy flash of memory of receiving a letter regarding a ticket I contested and yelling to Scott, "I won! I won!" I can't remember if that was from this ticket or if it was another ticket I had contested for not having a front license plate when I was parked outside the Chicago Diner.

No wonder people don't drive in the city. So many rules.

A Cry For Help

I'm still addicted to television.

It's depressing, definitely pathetic, and Scott is complaining that I don't communicate very well.

That's because I don't have anything to talk about, I tell him. The stuff that goes on in my life lately isn't really real. And it's kind of embarrassing.

Now if you want to talk about the Bachelor Pad (which makes me feel dirty, and not in a good way) I have a lot to say. I hate watching this show. It's TV that makes me feel bad watching it. The only good person on that show was Gia, and they voted her off. The girls are so stupid and they trust those guys way too much. They're all pathetic and super dumb and I get a bad feeling inside when I watch it. But I continue to do so.

Master Chef? I love Gordon Ramsay so much that he has made a debut on my Top 5 Favorite Men In My Life list. And I don't even really know him. Well, possibly I do know him...he doesn't know me. (I told you it's pathetic.) I'm the biggest cheerleader for these amateur chefs. I was a little disappointed last night when they had to kill a crab by boiling it alive. I'm a vegetarian who eats seafood, but after last night, I can't even eat that anymore. If only chocolate had to be killed...

Don't get me started on those Kardashians. Once I was so mad at Kourtney for taking back that idiot loser Scott, I looked online for a way to tell her how stupid she is and that she can do better than that stupid jerk who is so obviously using her. I didn't though. I regained control and realized how ridiculous this would be.

Glee has me feeling like a teenager. I tried to get Emma into it so I could at least blame it on her, and contribute it to "mother/daughter time"...it worked for a little while, but then school got in the way. She hates school, and I'm starting to hate it, too.


And I'm afraid that people like Chelsea Handler and Jeff Lewis reinforce bad behavior and serious sarcasm by me. They make me a worse person. And I don't even really mind it.

Now I am going to go get a life.

No, I'm not.